What I'd like to see

It's 3:23am and I can't sleep. I was just reading over a few of the other blogs I follow, when this hits me. What the fuck am I doing? Why is it so hard to just write shit down? Is it because I seem to have alcohol in my bloodstream most evenings? Or just fucking lazy? I believe thats it..

I'm a bit of an asshole critic. Especially when it come to bikes and the cycling community as a whole. There's lot's of things about bicycles that I love dearly. Then of course there are things that make me cringe! Things I hope would go away forever. Let me see...

Hipster Tails



Besides providing inadequate protection, coming loose when you need them to stay in place. They look really stupid and say this about the rider: Is he/she just cheap, or too dumb to realize what a terrible product that is? Don't forget to recycle when you toss this shit out.

This is what fenders should look like:


This should ruffle some feathers. Of course I don't care...


It's very much like Nascar, boring and unnecessary. I'm convinced, many racers stopped enjoying actually riding a bike long ago. Lot's and lot's of testosterone. Yuck!

Sorry westtown. I love what you're doing for the cycling community but this is silly:

I was once asked to assist in organizing a black womens cycling organization. I thought that was silly as well. Inclusion is inclusion and separation is... not community.

Call me a cranky old bastard but:

Nothing screams hipster or latfh as loudly. In ten years there will be lots of folks in chiropractic clinics all with the same problem. One shoulder longer than the other. Or for backpackers, both shoulders bent the fuck backwards. You will eventually pay for your poor fashion sense.
Something else I'd like to is an end to the thinking that single speed/fixed gear is the only way. Likewise those who believe gears belong on every roadbike. You're both wrong.

Don't hate me. My blood alcohol level is again above the legal limit...

How many Bikes is Too Much?

I often wonder about this. One? Ten? Is fifteen obsessive or just excessive? A lot I guess depends on where you live. In Chicago we don't really have four seasons. There's the cold season 7 months, the rainy season 3 1/2 months and the warm season. About 6 weeks. So if we commute by bike, that puts the need at about 3. Certainly any bike that makes it through a Chicago cold season is in need of a full rebuild and a good rest, at seasons end. When it is, nice here, it rains or the winds swirl and change direction. Usually against whatever direction you happen to riding in. So of course you need a bike that can handle the wind and rain. Something with a nice set of fenders, but lighter weight than your cold season bike. It doesn't have to contend with salt so it also has a better paint job than your cold season bike. Then there are about 12 days that fall sometime between June and November, when the weather just fucking magnificent. For these rare days you need your baby . That's the one you never take your eyes off of. When you're sitting outside having a beer/drink and it's looking back at you like a beautiful horse. Just waiting til you're ready to get back in the saddle. (hopefully sober) That bike looks different for everyone, for me it would look something like this.

That's a 1938 Schwinn Paramount. It's more than 70 years old so, naturally you would only take it out on perfect days. Bikes have been sexy for a long time. Why is that some people don't see/get it? What a hot little shit...

I've been in love with bicycles for as long as I can remember. My first bike as a kid was gold with a leopard print saddle. I was three years old and my dad buys me this wild looking bike. I've been a freak ever since.

I once lived in a 1 bedroom apartment. I stored as many as twenty bikes in my living room and kitchen. Often people would visit and say something sarcastic like: Think you need a few more bikes? My answer was always the same. I do.

Here's what I think. 1 bicycle is not enough. That's what I'd call woefully unprepared. Three would be meeting the necessities of a cyclist. Four or more would make one an enthusiast. One should always ride their bikes. If you collect and don't ride. You're a loser. Except for those planning to open a museum. So those of you who only have one bike, if I see you and look at you strange. It's just because I'm wondering, what's up with you. Don't you think you need a few more bikes?

What a sexy decal.