Thursday, April 23, 2009

Craigslist and Cook County Sheriff Dart

Silly things often cross my mind when I'm idle. It's a good thing I've been busy lately, it keeps me from thinking about shit like this:

In Illinois, Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart sued Craigslist last month, saying the site not only allows the solicitation of prostitution, but also has actively created "the largest source of prostitution in America."

What? Let me get this straight, the good sheriff thinks the erotic services section of Craigslist has created the largest source of prostitution in America. What an Idiot.
A quick peek at the erotic services section of CL in Chicago reveals this:


the add goes on to state that this person has small boobs and an 8" surprise down below. Looking for married men who want a little something more than what the wifey has. Doesn't sound criminal to me. Judging from the poor spelling this person does really need education funds. What does t4m mean?
Anyway, another add went a little something like this:

Sexy, Busty Hottie for Breast Appreciation Day - w4m - 22 (Outcall Downtown)
Who knew! Breast appreciation day? Sounds better than sweetest day. Here's a bit more of the add:

Hi there fellas, give me a call and I'll pay you a visit in this little pink bra and thong. I'll be up all night waiting for you. I took these pictures yesterday and am feeling hot. 200 roses for an hour. I'm 5 ft tall, 135 lbs, 36 DD natural- 29-38. I love to make a man moan - I'll give you a nice sensual rubdown, not neglecting any section of your body :) I also love visits to the spa to receive facials and russian massages, don't you? Pics are 100% real. I ask that you be clean, drug and disease free when I arrive, thanks. XoXo, Tiffany

Ahh Tiffany. 200 hundred roses? How romantic is that? All you need to be is Drug and Disease free when she arrives! Sounds fantastic! I'll probably have to wait another month until roses sprout up in the neighborhood. I'll admit, I'm to cheap to buy 200 roses from a florist.

As far as I can tell, the erotic services section looks pretty tame to me. If the sheriff really wanted to catch some crooks he might try looking in the for sale section. Specifically bikes! Get a load of this.

Univega Single Speed - 58cm - $200 (Chicago)

Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-23, 6:39AM CDT

58 cm Blue Univega single speed with upright handlebars, new tires, new tubes, new chain and new grips...26" rims with coaster brake...frame is in excellent shape. $200

Location: Chicago
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1135972220

200 bucks? For a road bike that has wheels that are a full size too small? What's gonna happen when you turn and your pedal hits the pavement because the crank arms are too low to the ground? I'll tell you. You'll be in the hospital with your mouth wired shut. You won't even be able to speak to this guy over the phone and ask for your 200 bucks back. Sheriff Dart arrest that guy please. Charge him with crimes against the cycling community.

Think that was bad check this out:
****Classic Mixte Frame Nishiki (Super Clean)**** - $200 (Lincoln Square)

Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-22, 6:52PM CDT

This is beautiful restored Vintage bike with classic lines. It's beautiful to ride and very fast. Many new parts and freshly tuned. It rides like new and you will enjoy it immensely. You can see it at Shining Bikes located at 5600 N. Western Ave. in Chicago. Please give me a call if you are on your way. Robert 773-xxx-xxxx

Many new parts? Like what? That shitty seat? That bike is thirty years old and so are it's PARTS. Go directly to jail, do not collect 200 dollars.
How about this lying sack of Shit?

Sky Blue Vintage Ladies Free Spirit - $150 (Northside )

Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-24, 2:07PM CDT

Vintage Free Spirit 3 speed Cruiser Mint condition, tuned, greased and ready to ride Sized for person 5'3' to 5'9". Easy riding Chrome me or e mail Sekhema @773-512-9503

One way to spot a lying poster is to look closely at the photos. The poster claimed to have greased and tuned the bicycle. He also called it a 3 speed. One can clearly see from the photos that it's a 5 speed. If he had actually worked on the fucker, he would have known at least that much. A forty year old bike needs much more than a little grease also. Shithead.

It's a lot easier to go after prostitutes, who at least know what it is theyre selling, than to go after bike hacks. Just a thought.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Crazy hair and other things that drive me nuts

So, this past Sunday was Easter. It's a religious holiday for you agnostics out there. Myself and Ms. Hoskins decided instead of going to brunch and having Mimosa's like religious folks, we might instead setup camp at the flea market. We got up around 5am mind you, to do this. So maybe it's us and not those soon to be mentioned in this post, that are nutjobs. Wow the spell check's going crazy who knew nutjobs wasn't a word. Anyway, we noticed some attendees to the market merit a bit of a case study. One such study could be done on guys with funny hair. Guys with funny hair arrive later than guys with regular hair. I presume it's because they can't leave the house until whatever they use on their hair settles in. Take for instance this late arrival guy below:

I assume the lady walking with him was related somehow. Even she seems though to be wondering...what's up with that hair? And why didn't we get here until after all the deals were gone? Note also that wind speeds were nearing 30mph yesterday. Don't matter when your hair is frozen like an embryo.

We photographed these guys after they left our setup. They got the award for cheapest shits at the market. The one with the reddish hair wanted this Ladies Schwinn Suburban. I told him it was 25 bucks. He then asked for a test ride. Ms. Hoskins warned me not to be an asshole, but I just couldn't help myself. 25 bucks and he wants a fucking test ride? Hey buddy how's about a custom fitting also? Maybe some free bar tape included? They drove me crazy!

After this photo was taken they stopped at the ice cream truck. Again, they bought nothing. I assume because the guy didn't want to throw in a hand job with purchase of a chocolate eclair. So off they went, presumably to annoy others.

What's with the balloon? Some crazy sex toy I assume. They're heading in the direction of the bathrooms. May have been a George Michael moment in the making.

I've always feared guys with white hoods. Must be the southerner in me. The boys in the next photo were scary. Not because of their hoods, more so because they wanted a fixed gear bike for less than $50 bucks. That's fuckin scary!

The asshole below? That would be me. I look like an idiot in those glasses. After a cold day putting up with fleas, I was seriously thinking about ending it all. Hence the pocket knife. Some schmuck saved me though, he offered me 2 bucks for the blade. I couldn't resist, it was the only money I made the whole day. Next week has to be better.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

My Two Cents

For what it's worth, I've come to see things so much differently than in the past. I look around and see beauty in things that I previously took for granted or just never really noticed. I was talking to a friend yesterday, we often discuss bikes and techniques for building them. This exchange however, moved in a slightly offbeat direction. We both agree that bicycle travel is one of the most naturally human things we do. It's a lot like eating and drinking. It just feels right.

The blog Chicks and Bikes in many postings, shows this natural, human side. I both love and hate that blog at the same time. While many postings have beautiful self propelled women in them, some appear to have posers, bad posers in them. I get really excited when I see a chick rolling up the street on a bike. I'm sure there are others who get a thrill as well. It's easy to see why that blog has so many followers. Myself included.

Recently, we had a couple of chicks come in and assist in the assembly of their bikes. We've actually had more than a couple. But the scatterbrain in me forgot to get photos of most. Below are Lucy and Heidi. Look at the smile on Lucy's face.

Heidi was busy checking out her new whip and didn't have time to pose. I understood and shot this anyway.

Contrast those two beauties with say, a woman on a cell phone in heavy traffic. Hello Mary? There's a truck bearing down on you. Put down the phone and tear ass!

I think this woman was talking about how her SUV isn't white like the other SUV's in that mall parking lot. I'm so much better than them.

I can't see much need for a Chicks and SUV's blog. Maybe in stripmallville USA. Looking at these pics is the equivalent of taking a cold bath. While the one side is human and beautiful the other seems quite unnatural. Like soy Ice cream, there's just no reason for it. Even for someone Lactose intolerant like myself. I think I'll start carrying my camera with me more often. These Chicks with Bikes really turn me on.