How many Bikes is Too Much?

I often wonder about this. One? Ten? Is fifteen obsessive or just excessive? A lot I guess depends on where you live. In Chicago we don't really have four seasons. There's the cold season 7 months, the rainy season 3 1/2 months and the warm season. About 6 weeks. So if we commute by bike, that puts the need at about 3. Certainly any bike that makes it through a Chicago cold season is in need of a full rebuild and a good rest, at seasons end. When it is, nice here, it rains or the winds swirl and change direction. Usually against whatever direction you happen to riding in. So of course you need a bike that can handle the wind and rain. Something with a nice set of fenders, but lighter weight than your cold season bike. It doesn't have to contend with salt so it also has a better paint job than your cold season bike. Then there are about 12 days that fall sometime between June and November, when the weather just fucking magnificent. For these rare days you need your baby . That's the one you never take your eyes off of. When you're sitting outside having a beer/drink and it's looking back at you like a beautiful horse. Just waiting til you're ready to get back in the saddle. (hopefully sober) That bike looks different for everyone, for me it would look something like this.

That's a 1938 Schwinn Paramount. It's more than 70 years old so, naturally you would only take it out on perfect days. Bikes have been sexy for a long time. Why is that some people don't see/get it? What a hot little shit...

I've been in love with bicycles for as long as I can remember. My first bike as a kid was gold with a leopard print saddle. I was three years old and my dad buys me this wild looking bike. I've been a freak ever since.

I once lived in a 1 bedroom apartment. I stored as many as twenty bikes in my living room and kitchen. Often people would visit and say something sarcastic like: Think you need a few more bikes? My answer was always the same. I do.

Here's what I think. 1 bicycle is not enough. That's what I'd call woefully unprepared. Three would be meeting the necessities of a cyclist. Four or more would make one an enthusiast. One should always ride their bikes. If you collect and don't ride. You're a loser. Except for those planning to open a museum. So those of you who only have one bike, if I see you and look at you strange. It's just because I'm wondering, what's up with you. Don't you think you need a few more bikes?

What a sexy decal.

Things that make you go Hmmm...

Things around here are always changing, and I suppose that's a good thing. For certain those of us that have chosen cycling as a main mode of transportation, are always hoping for change. Change in peoples attitudes towards cyclists. Changes in laws that can protect us. Changes in tire design, and tread life. I could go on. Sometimes, change just makes you wonder...WTF?

A girl came in earlier this summer, with a bike she had completely bastardized. She rattle can painted a Stronglight crank. To add more insult to the poor bastard she did this:


Those bars, mind you are Cinelli. Wow, hipsters can really fuck over bikes. What possibly could be gained from chopping bars this short? Steering loss? Leverage loss? Elbows to the chest? loss of control? Look at this shit:
Oury Grips be damned. I'll be glad when this trend is over. Such bullshit. I see folks rolling up the street regularly with these chopped bars. All I can say is: see ya in hell. Dumbass!

In other news! I prayed to the bicycle gods and asked that permission be granted to any drunk cyclist, who wished to walk their bike home. Seems some of us think it's better to ride drunk than walk a bicycle. My good pal Sven, has argued that it's just not cool to walk a bike. We've seen the tragic photos of him over and over. Many of you may remember, The Lady Pillowtalk. She started writing a sex blog, but has since stopped posting. She mumbled something about sex being too hard to write about. No, I don't get it either. Anyway, the Lady decided to take Svens road to hell and attempted riding while intoxicated. You can pretty much guess what happened. I exited the bar a few minutes after her, only to see flashing lights up the street. I ran down to see what was going on, and sure enough the Lady was lying in the gutter, wondering why there were so many handsome fire personnel around her? She loves the attention of people in uniform. In fact she told me to get lost, as I was blocking her action. Just take care of my bike, she moaned. Below is a picture of her, the morning after the face plant.





She looks pretty good in a hospital gown and she has the most beautiful eyes. Again, please note, it is best to walk your bike when you've had too many. Permission has been granted.


Not quite a chicks and bikes photo, but I built this up for Annika. She used to ride an SE Draft. Now look at her.





Hot little Whip.

Not too drunk tonight

It's been a relatively peaceful day around here so alas, it's 10:30 and I'm sober! I've taken some great photos lately. I've wanted to post them for some time, but I'm usually two sheets by now.
Not to sound like a hypocrite. Even though I am. I'm starting to become an advocate for
helmets. I do own one, yet because I'm too dumb to rock it, you can more often than not find me without one. I believe in freedom of choice. If someone wants to drive without wearing a seatbelt, they should be free to be ejected from whatever vehicle they want to. Likewise with bikes, if someone wants to end it all on a slab of asphalt, so be it.
There have been a few visitors to the shop lately and one regular in particular, that have me rethinking my choice. You may have seen Sven's photo in recent posts.He's the guy that tries like hell to win the title of worst dressed Chicagoan. Well I have a more recent photo that shows he's into cosmetic surgery. Check this out!


Sven, claims to have made out with Division st. While riding without a helmet.
I have reason to believe he's been visiting Dr. 90210. Checkout the smirk in the following photo.

Those scars don't look like road rash. They kinda look unnatural, like, oh say...Botox? Or as Sven uses the code word, Botizzle.

Another fella came by recently. Showing of his new tattoo. Max Moore, a really nice guy, who seems to have his head on straight. Until, he decided on this little Frankenstein head tatt.

Boy the things some folks will do to make a fashion statement.
Now whenever I see him he tries to hide that tattoo and piercing mistake with a
helmet. Can't fool me, I saw him down at that Insight Studios place.

Chicks and....

Amy has moved into one of the rooms in the back of the shop with me. Now that's a reason for wearing a helmet. I'm gonna get drunk now.

Craigslist and Cook County Sheriff Dart

Silly things often cross my mind when I'm idle. It's a good thing I've been busy lately, it keeps me from thinking about shit like this:


In Illinois, Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart sued Craigslist last month, saying the site not only allows the solicitation of prostitution, but also has actively created "the largest source of prostitution in America."

What? Let me get this straight, the good sheriff thinks the erotic services section of Craigslist has created the largest source of prostitution in America. What an Idiot.
A quick peek at the erotic services section of CL in Chicago reveals this:

SEXY, SATISTYING, SIMPLY THE BEST !!..SCHOOL FUND-RAINSING* - t4m - 24

the add goes on to state that this person has small boobs and an 8" surprise down below. Looking for married men who want a little something more than what the wifey has. Doesn't sound criminal to me. Judging from the poor spelling this person does really need education funds. What does t4m mean?
Anyway, another add went a little something like this:

Sexy, Busty Hottie for Breast Appreciation Day - w4m - 22 (Outcall Downtown)
Who knew! Breast appreciation day? Sounds better than sweetest day. Here's a bit more of the add:

Hi there fellas, give me a call and I'll pay you a visit in this little pink bra and thong. I'll be up all night waiting for you. I took these pictures yesterday and am feeling hot. 200 roses for an hour. I'm 5 ft tall, 135 lbs, 36 DD natural- 29-38. I love to make a man moan - I'll give you a nice sensual rubdown, not neglecting any section of your body :) I also love visits to the spa to receive facials and russian massages, don't you? Pics are 100% real. I ask that you be clean, drug and disease free when I arrive, thanks. XoXo, Tiffany 312.xxx.xxxx

Ahh Tiffany. 200 hundred roses? How romantic is that? All you need to be is Drug and Disease free when she arrives! Sounds fantastic! I'll probably have to wait another month until roses sprout up in the neighborhood. I'll admit, I'm to cheap to buy 200 roses from a florist.

As far as I can tell, the erotic services section looks pretty tame to me. If the sheriff really wanted to catch some crooks he might try looking in the for sale section. Specifically bikes! Get a load of this.

Univega Single Speed - 58cm - $200 (Chicago)

Reply to: sale-a5wjz-1135972220@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-23, 6:39AM CDT

58 cm Blue Univega single speed with upright handlebars, new tires, new tubes, new chain and new grips...26" rims with coaster brake...frame is in excellent shape. $200


Location: Chicago
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1135972220

200 bucks? For a road bike that has wheels that are a full size too small? What's gonna happen when you turn and your pedal hits the pavement because the crank arms are too low to the ground? I'll tell you. You'll be in the hospital with your mouth wired shut. You won't even be able to speak to this guy over the phone and ask for your 200 bucks back. Sheriff Dart arrest that guy please. Charge him with crimes against the cycling community.

Think that was bad check this out:
****Classic Mixte Frame Nishiki (Super Clean)**** - $200 (Lincoln Square)

Reply to: sale-egmjt-1135464421@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-22, 6:52PM CDT


This is beautiful restored Vintage bike with classic lines. It's beautiful to ride and very fast. Many new parts and freshly tuned. It rides like new and you will enjoy it immensely. You can see it at Shining Bikes located at 5600 N. Western Ave. in Chicago. Please give me a call if you are on your way. Robert 773-xxx-xxxx


Many new parts? Like what? That shitty seat? That bike is thirty years old and so are it's PARTS. Go directly to jail, do not collect 200 dollars.
How about this lying sack of Shit?

Sky Blue Vintage Ladies Free Spirit - $150 (Northside )

Reply to: sale-pmpba-1138324511@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-04-24, 2:07PM CDT


Vintage Free Spirit 3 speed Cruiser Mint condition, tuned, greased and ready to ride Sized for person 5'3' to 5'9". Easy riding Chrome fenders.call me or e mail Sekhema @773-512-9503



One way to spot a lying poster is to look closely at the photos. The poster claimed to have greased and tuned the bicycle. He also called it a 3 speed. One can clearly see from the photos that it's a 5 speed. If he had actually worked on the fucker, he would have known at least that much. A forty year old bike needs much more than a little grease also. Shithead.

It's a lot easier to go after prostitutes, who at least know what it is theyre selling, than to go after bike hacks. Just a thought.

My Two Cents

For what it's worth, I've come to see things so much differently than in the past. I look around and see beauty in things that I previously took for granted or just never really noticed. I was talking to a friend yesterday, we often discuss bikes and techniques for building them. This exchange however, moved in a slightly offbeat direction. We both agree that bicycle travel is one of the most naturally human things we do. It's a lot like eating and drinking. It just feels right.

The blog Chicks and Bikes in many postings, shows this natural, human side. I both love and hate that blog at the same time. While many postings have beautiful self propelled women in them, some appear to have posers, bad posers in them. I get really excited when I see a chick rolling up the street on a bike. I'm sure there are others who get a thrill as well. It's easy to see why that blog has so many followers. Myself included.

Recently, we had a couple of chicks come in and assist in the assembly of their bikes. We've actually had more than a couple. But the scatterbrain in me forgot to get photos of most. Below are Lucy and Heidi. Look at the smile on Lucy's face.


Heidi was busy checking out her new whip and didn't have time to pose. I understood and shot this anyway.


Contrast those two beauties with say, a woman on a cell phone in heavy traffic. Hello Mary? There's a truck bearing down on you. Put down the phone and tear ass!

I think this woman was talking about how her SUV isn't white like the other SUV's in that mall parking lot. I'm so much better than them.


I can't see much need for a Chicks and SUV's blog. Maybe in stripmallville USA. Looking at these pics is the equivalent of taking a cold bath. While the one side is human and beautiful the other seems quite unnatural. Like soy Ice cream, there's just no reason for it. Even for someone Lactose intolerant like myself. I think I'll start carrying my camera with me more often. These Chicks with Bikes really turn me on.

What I've learned. Attending N*A*H*B*S

I must say. I didn't quite know what I was going to get out of our attendance to the handmade show. People kept asking me, what's it about? Are you just looking at bikes? Some said, I don't believe in looking at things I can't afford. I can say this, handmade builders are as much into practical affordable bikes as are major manufacturers. What you don't get is, a bike built cheaply, just to meet a cheap price point. Handmade builders don't seem to believe in inferior parts. Along with building high quality frames, (mostly out of steel) the thing that was most apparent was, the attention given to hubs, brakes, cranks, and ergonomics. Whats also really sweet was seeing people who really understand the rider. There's more to it than just building the fastest and lightest. It's not about coming up with a design and then letting a robot do it over and over again in different sizes, then splashing paint and enormous decals all over it. I've read from some bloggers, sarcastic comments about NAHBS. They are obviously misinformed, and choose to make negative comments to lift themselves. Shameful indeed and most irresponsible. I see the industry giving root to more handmade builders as the nations economy moves into a greener direction. I'll be posting some of the photos I took (poor angles, sorry) it was just too crowded to set up most shots.

Note NYCBS just posted a blog of repentance for mocking NAHBS. Thanks much.